Finally
by Caera1996
Summary: It's a long summary, please see the notes inside. Basically, Jim loves Bones, Bones doesn't think he's serious, Jim tries to move on, Bones get jealous and realizes he's made a huge mistake and tries to fix it.


**Title:** Finally  
**Author:** Caera1996  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine.  
**Rating:** PG  
**W/C:** 2,617  
**Notes:** A very, very late Christmas present for cplone27. Thank you for your patience, hon! I hope you like it.  
**The prompt was:** Kirk flirted with McCoy all during the academy, and first few months of the mission after Narada incident. But Leonard wasn't having it, didn't see him as being serious, so Kirk slowly just gave up, devastated because he really loved Bones. Then, a new transfer to the ship is interested in the Captain. While Kirk is still in love with Leonard, he's lonely and starts dating the new crew member. He sees that Kirk is taking this relationship seriously, and he'll be damned if he'll lose Jim to some wet behind the ears kid.

* * *

Jim glanced up with a smile when Nyota joined him at his table, dinner tray in hand.

"So," she said without preamble. "Talk to me." Jim leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest and looked at her with a politely confused expression.

"About?"

Nyota rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that, Jim," she said, establishing the tenor of this conversation. Obviously not work related. Jim looked in the direction that she indicated with a discrete nod, and watched as Jim's gaze softened. "Hm. Thought so." Jim refocused back on Nyota.

"Thought what?" he asked, unsure what they were even actually talking about, beyond the general subject of Eleya Tadena, xenocultural sociologist.

"She's pretty, she's intelligent, she's funny, she obviously is interested in and admires you, she's a civilian – so no issues there. And, if the way you just looked at her is any indication, you return at least some of that interest. So, talk to me. What's the problem?"

Jim sighed and pushed his half-eaten tray away, feeling a familiar tightness in his chest. Sure, Eleya was all the things Nyota listed, and Jim – though tempered by responsibility and maturity – was still Jim. He had no problem appreciating a person's…assets…physical and otherwise. The _problem_, though, was the same that it had been for the last year and a half.

"Jim," Nyota said gently, after a few moments of silence. She'd reached out and put her hand on his arm, bringing him back to the conversation. "You can't change what a person feels."

"I know."

"So, maybe it's time to move on. Maybe Eleya is the person to move on _with_."

"It…it doesn't feel right, Nyota. It feels like it would be a lie. I still…" Jim trailed off and shook his head. Nyota could fill it in. _He still loves Leonard._

"I know," she said softly, sympathetically. "But you have to give yourself the opportunity to allow someone else in. Just…start simple. Coffee – maybe lunch. And…see where it goes."

Jim looked up from his study of the table, just in time to catch sight of Bones entering the Mess. Nyota noticed the change in his expression and glanced over her shoulder. She looked back at Jim when she felt him stand.

"Thanks Nyota. I'll think about it. See ya later, okay?" And he was moving off before she had the chance to respond. Sighing again, she turned back to her tray. It was a sad situation, and she felt for Jim. She felt for both of them, actually – because as much as Leonard denied his feelings about Jim, she didn't think he was being completely honest with himself. But there was nothing for it. Jim didn't want to lose the friendship they shared, and Leonard wasn't willing to risk anything else, so they stayed the way they were, and Jim had adapted.

Eleya's arrival on the Enterprise, however, had changed things. She was everything Nyota had mentioned, and her status as a civilian sociologist made her available in a way that everyone else Jim was surrounded by was not. And it was obvious, from the beginning, that she was interested in Jim for who he was. She wanted to engage him in conversations about some of the cultures and diplomatic efforts they'd undertaken over the last year, she was curious about his viewpoint on some of the work she'd done, and perhaps most promising, she never once brought up his father or the situation surrounding the Narada. She truly appeared to be interested in the man and Captain Jim was, not the cadet he'd been.

Nyota had been working closely with her lately, going over the cultural influences on the regional dialects of a planet newly admitted to the Federation, and so far she was impressed. Nyota thought she'd be good for Jim, if he could just let himself let go.

* * *

Leonard entered the Mess, quickly sweeping the across the crewmembers gathered there. His eyes fell on the person he was looking for – and immediately his face twisted into a scowl.

Jim was with her again.

Rolling his eyes, he proceeded into the mess, his relatively un-grumpy mood gone in that moment. He'd been looking forward to dinner with Jim tonight. Tuesdays were supposed to be the time they set aside for each other. And that had been the case, except over the last three weeks. Over the last three weeks, his time with Jim had been limited to the few times he wandered up to the bridge, one or two breakfasts, and a couple of nights they spent working in each other's company.

Picking up a tray, Leonard made his way through the line, adding things without really paying attention beyond a quick glance, most of his attention on Jim and what's-her-name. They were sitting across the table from each other, in a corner. The Mess wasn't particularly crowded – it was on the later side for dinner – and no one was around them. They were leaning towards each other, and Jim was listening intently to whatever it was she was saying, nodding periodically, his eyes on hers, their coffee cups all but forgotten.

And suddenly, Leonard was irrationally and overwhelmingly…_something_. Whatever it was, it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

His plans for dinner with Jim dashed, Leonard found his way to a table and put his tray down on the table with more force than was strictly required. He met the curious brown eyes looking up at him evenly.

"Join ya?" he belatedly asked, already pulling the chair out.

"Of course, Doctor," Spock said mildly, taking the intrusion in stride. Spock watched as the doctor attacked his food with more…determination…than seemed to be warranted.

"Are you well, Doctor?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he answered without looking up. Spock inclined his head slightly and returned his attention to studying his PADD and consuming his meal. A few moments passed in silence while each man attended to his meal.

"Figures as soon as there's someone new Jim jumps at the chance. He doesn't even know her!" Spock didn't sigh, because that is not something he does, and looked back up at his dining companion, who still had his eyes focused on his plate.

"I assume you mean the Captain's developing relationship with Ms. Tadena?" Spock asked.

"Who else Spock? I don't want to discuss it."

"Very well."

"You'd think by now, he'd have some moral standards in place. You know, being Captain and all."

Spock looked up sharply at that, carefully not acknowledging the irritation at the continued interruptions.

"Doctor, despite your protestations you seem to have this topic on your mind. So, let me do what I can to put your mind to ease. The relationship between Captain Kirk and Ms. Tadena has not progressed beyond the phase you see here."

That shut Leonard up for a second, for a couple of reasons. Jim had been seeing Ms. Tadena for a few weeks, and he hadn't slept with her yet? And Spock knew that? And Spock was gossiping about that?

Deciding to focus on that last point, as of all the three it was the most surprising, Leonard looked at Spock speculatively. "Didn't realize you were part of the ship's information network," he said mildly.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am not. Nyota was specific in her instructions."

Leonard countered with a raised eyebrow of his own. "Her instructions?"

"Indeed. That, and I quote, 'if Leonard ever removes his cranium from his own posterior and asks about it, make sure he knows Jim is no longer looking for conquests,'" Spock said. Leonard sat back in surprise.

"Direct quote, huh?"

"It is, as you say, the gist," Spock said. He held Leonard's gaze for a moment, while he processed that information. Just as he was going to return his attention to the PADD and his own meal, Leonard spoke again.

"Spock, I am an idiot."

"Indeed."

* * *

Jim walked Eleya back to her quarters, and turned to look at her outside her door.

"So…goodnight," she said, smiling and looking away from his gaze nervously. Jim smiled gently, bringing a hand up to cup her face. Holding her gaze when her eyes met his again, he leaned down and kissed her. It was a chaste, careful kiss, and Jim enjoyed the feel of another body pressed lightly to his, even if it still didn't feel like the right one. He pulled away, smiled again.

"Do…would you like to come in?" she asked, her eyes on his. Jim hesitated for a moment. Ellie was nice, and sweet, and funny and really smart…and he'd been trying, but Jim just didn't feel right about this. It wasn't Ellie he wanted.

"I've got a vid conference with some admirals on Earth's time," he said, fibbing to spare her feelings. "In the middle of Gamma Shift, ship's time."

She nodded, rolling her eyes sympathetically. "I hate when that happens," she said. "Better get going then…get some sleep beforehand."

"Yeah…so, goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," she replied, and he waited while she let herself in.

Sighing, Jim turned and made his way to his own room. He couldn't let this go on. He'd taken Nyota's advice. He'd tried…really tried. And it wasn't that he didn't like Ellie. He did. He liked her a lot. But, he loved someone else. And it wasn't fair to her, or to him, to let the relationship they'd developed keep going like this. He hadn't let it get physical, and hoped that would help. He just didn't want anyone else. Hadn't, since he realized how much Bones meant to him, despite the fact Bones obviously didn't feel the same way.

Arriving at his quarters, Jim sighed as he toed off his boots, letting the door slide shut behind him, the lights too low to see into the room.

"Lights, 70 percent," he called out, then started violently. "_Oh!_ Shit! Bones, god…give a man some warning!" Jim gasped out, one hand clutching his chest. Bones was sitting on his couch, watching as Jim tried to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to scare you – I nodded off…you okay?" Bones asked, starting to rise. Jim waved him away.

"Yeah, fine." He straightened and eyed Bones curiously, pulling at his shirt, untucking it from his pants. "What's up?"

"I, uh…wanted to talk to you about something," Bones said nervously. His tone of voice got Jim's attention. It was very uncharacteristic of him to sound so…hesitant.

"Of course. Is anything wrong?"

"No, no…it's…well, yes. I…I was wrong."

Jim raised his eyebrows in concern. "Okay…well…want a drink? Or…is this ship's business?"

"No, I'm fine…and it's not ship's business. Can you, can you just come sit?" Bones asked, gesturing to the couch. Now Jim was really concerned, and he immediately moved to join his friend on the couch, sitting to face him. They sat in silence for couple of moments, Bones' gaze on the floor, Jim's gaze on Bones.

"So…tell me," Jim said finally. "Whatever it is, Bones, you can tell me anything."

Bones finally looked up at that, and nodded. "Yeah, I know that, Jim." He took a deep breath to steady himself, surprised at how nervous he felt. "I – I've been lying to myself…and to you…about how I feel about…you. About…us. And, and something's happened that made me realize I've been an ass to you…because I thought, well, I thought—" He stopped, realizing he was rambling, and not sure he was making any sense.

Jim waited as patiently as he could, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't think it. Couldn't let himself think it. Because if he did, after all this time, and he was _wrong_…he wasn't sure how he would handle that.

"Look Jim, after Jocelyn, I never thought anyone else would be worth taking the risk all over again, and I lived my life that way. And I never really seriously considered letting anyone else in. Even…even if I wished it could be different."

"_You_ wished?" Jim said, incredulously. "Two years, Bones. Two _years_…and you knew how I felt. I never made a secret of it."

"I know…I know Jim, and I'm sorry about that. I just…I didn't think you were serious…that you could be serious."

"'Cause I'm just the campus manwhore?" Jim asked, and Bones flinched. And maybe Jim felt a little bad about that, but not enough to make this easy. Especially since he was getting the picture of it now. "So what changed your mind?"

"I never thought that about you, Jim. I just didn't think you were serious about wanting to settle down with anyone…and it's not like you gave me reason to believe otherwise-"

"Except that I _told_ you."

"—and I certainly never thought you really wanted to settle down with _me_…when you're _you_ and – "

"What the hell does that mean?" Jim asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. Bones got up and started pacing agitatedly.

"You could have _anyone_ Jim. Why the hell would you want me? Want to settle down with me?"

Jim stood and put himself in Bones' path, stopping him in his tracks.

"I thought I was perfectly clear the first 40 or 50 times, but I'll say it again…I can't imagine my life without you in it. And I was willing to take anything you wanted to give. Anything. Still am. So, what are you telling me Bones? Cause I need you to say it…after all this time, I need you to say it before I can even begin to believe it."

Bones met Jim's clear blue eyes, so fierce, his emotions so _clear_, Bones couldn't imagine how he'd missed it before. He hadn't seen it. He wasn't ready to see it.  
"I…I love you. I think I've always loved you. I just couldn't let myself fall like that again."

Jim's heart was frantically thumping in his chest. "And…and what's different now? Why now?" Jim asked. Bones met his eyes sheepishly, reddening in embarrassment, and Jim got it. "You were jealous!" he exclaimed. Bones nodded, running his hand through his hair nervously.

"I didn't realize how much I needed you, until you were there less often. And when I realized _why_ you were there less often, that you were apparently taking your relationship with Tadena seriously, I got really…scared. That I'd missed my chance with you. And angry at myself, that I'd let it happen." Bones stopped and looked at Jim again, his feelings so clear in his eyes. "Jim…"

But Jim didn't let him get any further. Moving into Bones' space, he wrapped his arms around him, his head resting on Bones' left shoulder. He smiled and squeezed his eyes closed against a wave of emotion when he felt Bones return the embrace, feeling right, and relieved, and more at home than he ever had, the warmth and strength of Bones' body so substantial and just…perfect.

"And you call me the idiot," he said affectionately. Bones snorted, his arms tightening around Jim.

"Takes one to know one."

They stood like that, wrapped in each other, for a few minutes, relishing what they had in each other. After a little while, Jim reluctantly pulled away. Bones let go, following his lead.

"I want you so much Bones, and I want what we have to start off right. And there's something I have to take care of first."

"Tadena," Bones said. Jim nodded.

"Eleya," he confirmed. "She deserves that." Bones nodded, resisting the urge to lean in and kiss Jim, loving this side of the man Jim has become, more sure than ever before.

They parted then, knowing that there was so much in front of them, and eager to start off right. Together.

Finally.


End file.
